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Q&A: Why don’t Tibetan women want to have a relationship before marriage?

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This question came up on WeChat awhile ago. The same person also asked how to get a woman interested in a man, but that is really a more individual issue, you’ve got to figure that out on your own.

QUESTION: It’s hard to find a Tibetan woman willing to have a relationship before marriage like Western people do. Even if a Tibetan woman is interested in a man, and he likes her too, Tibetan women want to get married before anything else happens. Why can’t we can’t take time to get to know each other first?

ANSWER: The problem is that if a Tibetan man gets a chance to have sex with a woman he usually tells everyone he knows all the details. The next day, everybody knows about it, and that makes it hard for the woman to find a husband later in our small community. After marriage, a woman’s history can still be a problem, the husband might use her experiences to disrespect her. Also, a lot of people don’t know about birth control, and the woman might not be ready. This situation might change eventually if men are willing to respect women’s privacy a little more, but for now, you have to understand the situation the woman is in. The best thing you can do is to communicate with her honestly about her feelings to find out what she’s looking for and what her concerns are.

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1 Comment

  1. Bhavita. says:

    hahha..its not about tibetan women. tibetan men esp in dharamshala (not sure in tibet — and not so much in other shichaks).. but the dhasa phosa are regularly bad mouthing women they have never even spoken to. It’s crude and cheap. Why would Tibetan women want to have relationships with such men in the first place?

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